What has happened to my child?

As you are aware we have been having difficulty with our toddler’s behaviour and have been following the Webster Stratton guidance supported by outreach. We been doing this for 5 weeks now and have seen a huge improvement in her behaviour. She no longer hits her baby brother on fact the only person she wants to kiss is him, she will help change his nappy, give him his dummy and try to settle him when he is upset.

She has not hit myself as often as she did and I’m so emotional when she comes home from ballet exclaiming that she didn’t hit anyone, she is so proud of herself although we know that this is the issue that will be the last to fully resolve. I have bought her a taggy blanket and have told her that if she becomes frightened, angry or upset then to stroke this instead. The taggie also has a wooden teether attached for her to chew as she was putting all sorts of things in her mouth

This week there has been no messing about at bedtime, we have introduced a reward chart this week as advised by outreach and she has gone to sleep within 15 minutes of getting into bed. I have starred various points on the chart where she gets a mini treat i.e. She picks what we do that day which this week was making Rice Krispie cakes. When she completes this chart she will get a reward such as a new book for bedtime.

Mealtimes have also been a success she will now eat all her vegetables and loves mushrooms. She even ate cucumber and salad yesterday.

Potty training still isn’t going very well but I’m not concerned about this she will go if I put her on the toilet but she won’t tell us that she needs it.

We still have a long way to go but in 5 weeks we have achieved so much. I am also so much more tuned into her. I can identify that when she does mess about it’s because she’s tired of had a poo.

Baby boy is doing well feeding every 2 hours and has reflux, we have been given gaviscon so I’m hoping to see improvement there soon.

Thank you for reading.

Love

Mummy covered in animal stickers and the munckins

 

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Our progress so far

A few weeks ago I posted about my toddler’s behaviour, we have been seeing the outreach worker and community nursery nurse and I am pleased to say that things are improving. She still hits but Rome was not built in a day these things take time. Bedtime is no longer a 3 hour battle but is on average only taking 45 minutes using controlled crying, she now eats vegetables and loves her baby brother rather than wanting to send him back. We have been given homework in a sense:

  1.  play for at least 10 minutes with our toddler with no interruptions
  2. describe the play even if she does not want us to join in
  3. 3. Ignore bad behaviour;this is difficult and she is really testing the boundaries. She throws all the clothes out from the bedroom, wees  on the floor and even wees on her brother’s clothes to get attention but ignoring does seem to be working even if it means we do this when we are out in public I am ignoring for a reason before anyone wants to make an opinion.

my baby boy is so placid and contented he really is a gem. I’m finding the housework difficult and worry that people will think I’m untidy but I run about like a mad thing tidying before bed only for it to be a mess the next day.

I’ve signed up to be a product tester    One company is called bzzagent which is free to join so I’m looking forward to receiving some free products to trial. The other company is the baby website which is £9.99 to join. They have sent some organix snacks for my toddler try but as of yet I’m not impressed so I will share that review in a few days.

Love to all

mummy & munchkins

xxx

To the mum whose child my toddler hit

To the mum whose child my toddler hit. Firstly I apologise I can say no more than that. I can only begin to explain that I am unable to control my toddler’s behaviour but please do not shout at my child, it only makes the situation worse. I can only take my toddler to play centres when a friend comes to assist me so I apologise if I can’t run over straight away with a 1 month old hanging off the breast or when I was pregnant and could barely walk due to symphis pubic dysfunction. I am fully aware that my toddler has a behavioural problem and I have been seeking help to overcome this. Up until recently I was constantly told that my toddler’s behaviour was simply that of a toddler the “terrible two’s” yet I knew it was more than just this. I cannot remember if the behaviour started before or after I fell pregnant yet a friend has told me today she remembers me telling her my toddler had started hitting and biting during the early stages of my pregnancy. The behaviour is far more than just hitting your child so whilst I sit there with my head in my hands I am trying to decide my next move in the game of chess that my life is before I end up in check mate. Here are the behaviours I am struggling to control:

1) hitting, kicking, biting other children, myself, my husband, my parents and inlaws. Basically anybody my toddler comes into contact with.

2) hitting the dog when the dog enters my toddler’s personal space,sitting on the dog and dragging the dog around the house by its tail

3) ripping the books apart

4) throwing toys down the stairs from the bedroom

5)throwing the mattress on the floor and jumping on the bed slats and mattress

6) pullling all the clothes out of the drawers

7) jumping from from any height

8) running around the house unable to calm down

9) snatching food from people’s plates

10) having constant mood swings. My toddler is like Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde so loving one moment but then a switch is flicked and an angry toddler stands in front of me

11) now acting like a baby

12) having difficulty falling asleep

13) not eating meals and refusing to try things

14) not being able to sit still constantly on the go

there are many more but I don’t want to bore you with them all. When my toddler hits I can see my toddler’s eyes widen, my toddler’s body tenses. I’ve read that it could be because my toddler is scared or perhaps my toddler has too much sensory information to process I do not know but please do not judge if I say the wrong thing to my toddler. I do not know what to do to change my toddler’s behaviour. Please do not isolate my toddler. Surely everybody deserves chances. Perhaps try acknowledging that I have a problem, that I am exhausted and try to help me rather than give my toddler a label. My toddler is not a problem child and yes I feel like such a bad mum when you look at me like that. I already feel like the world’s worst mum. It must be my fault, I must have gone wrong somewhere along the line.

Today at a soft play my toddler hit a child and the child parent came over and told me. I went to my toddler whilst the other child sat crying and I said it was not nice to hit and that the other child was upset. My toddler then approached the other child and said sorry then went over to the parent and apologised. This parent did not remove the other child, the other parent could see how exhausted I was and gave me a sympathetic gaze. The other parent allowed the child to continue playing with my toddler, they held hands and were skipping along with each other until another child approached and disrupted my toddler’s status quo. My toddler can play nicely it just takes a while.

That sympathetic glance from another parent meant a lot, I was not being judged this time.

I am actively seeking help for  my toddler I have had all thoughts running through my head, could it be ADHD, SPD, attention seeking, jealousy etc  we are being referred to an outreach worker and aim to go on the Webster Stratton course.

I have sat and cried numerous times and have wanted to run away, I have phoned Samaritans when there has been nobody around to talk to.

So to summarise

to the mum whose child my toddler hit, I am so so sorry but thank you for not giving me dirty looks.

To all the other mums out there please don’t judge the child that hits or the parent of the child that hits it may have taken a lot of courage to go to the play centre and constantly be on edge. Please don’t shout at the child but inform the parent so that the child’s parent can remove the child.

For those reading please do not judge myself as I sit here with a migraine wondering when I will be able to eat and if I will sleep tonight, I have to do it all again tomorrow and please please please do not think I am a bad mum  sometimes I need reminding that yes I am a good mum I care about my toddler which is why I refuse to withdraw my toddler from playcentres etc it’s hard work but one day we will overcome it just don’t make out my toddler to be a monster

thank you for reading

fron a very tired,emotional mummy who is just spilling her thoughts and feelings out

x

 

 

A roller coaster of year

Hi I’m Leane, 27 years old and mummy to the most beautiful baby girl in the world whom I have nicknamed munchkin. Munchkin is 4 months old and is so squishy I could smother her in kisses all day.

Anyway what a roller coaster 12 months it has been:
First I thought there was no way I would ever fall pregnant, having pcos and no cycle it felt I was losing a battle but then I got put on clomid and my miracle munchkin was on her way
Then I had a terrible pregnancy:
Nausea and vomitting, migraines, spd, pyogenic granuloma (looked like a scene from Carrie at one point the blood was all over the walls) and then i had obstetric cholestasis. Had a fab labour though even though i was adamant I was having a poo!

I joined some baby groups, first was the july baby centre Facebook page where I met some lovely new friends D & L who live near me, we went to pregnancy relaxation where we met N. I was adamant munchkin was going to arrive late so I joined an August burth group where I met E, S & A. I hope my new friends will be friends for life. We go on lots of baby days out together.

Now about munchkin, she’s a very contented little baby even through growth spurts and this horrid sleep regression stage I mean come on it’s like a form of medieval torture But at least we get lots of cuddles so it’s not all bad. Munchkin had a tongue tie which was snipped when she was 2 weeks old and now it’s rejoined so we’re off to find a private consultant to do it fingers crossed. She is definitely a mummy’s girl and already has me wrapped around her little finger making me carry her everywhere, it’s fab exercise round asda though seen as everything I need is always on the bottom shelf, squats at the ready.

Now the intros are over be prepared for lots of waffling on with myself.

Love mummy & munchkin