To the mum whose child my toddler hit. Firstly I apologise I can say no more than that. I can only begin to explain that I am unable to control my toddler’s behaviour but please do not shout at my child, it only makes the situation worse. I can only take my toddler to play centres when a friend comes to assist me so I apologise if I can’t run over straight away with a 1 month old hanging off the breast or when I was pregnant and could barely walk due to symphis pubic dysfunction. I am fully aware that my toddler has a behavioural problem and I have been seeking help to overcome this. Up until recently I was constantly told that my toddler’s behaviour was simply that of a toddler the “terrible two’s” yet I knew it was more than just this. I cannot remember if the behaviour started before or after I fell pregnant yet a friend has told me today she remembers me telling her my toddler had started hitting and biting during the early stages of my pregnancy. The behaviour is far more than just hitting your child so whilst I sit there with my head in my hands I am trying to decide my next move in the game of chess that my life is before I end up in check mate. Here are the behaviours I am struggling to control:
1) hitting, kicking, biting other children, myself, my husband, my parents and inlaws. Basically anybody my toddler comes into contact with.
2) hitting the dog when the dog enters my toddler’s personal space,sitting on the dog and dragging the dog around the house by its tail
3) ripping the books apart
4) throwing toys down the stairs from the bedroom
5)throwing the mattress on the floor and jumping on the bed slats and mattress
6) pullling all the clothes out of the drawers
7) jumping from from any height
8) running around the house unable to calm down
9) snatching food from people’s plates
10) having constant mood swings. My toddler is like Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde so loving one moment but then a switch is flicked and an angry toddler stands in front of me
11) now acting like a baby
12) having difficulty falling asleep
13) not eating meals and refusing to try things
14) not being able to sit still constantly on the go
there are many more but I don’t want to bore you with them all. When my toddler hits I can see my toddler’s eyes widen, my toddler’s body tenses. I’ve read that it could be because my toddler is scared or perhaps my toddler has too much sensory information to process I do not know but please do not judge if I say the wrong thing to my toddler. I do not know what to do to change my toddler’s behaviour. Please do not isolate my toddler. Surely everybody deserves chances. Perhaps try acknowledging that I have a problem, that I am exhausted and try to help me rather than give my toddler a label. My toddler is not a problem child and yes I feel like such a bad mum when you look at me like that. I already feel like the world’s worst mum. It must be my fault, I must have gone wrong somewhere along the line.
Today at a soft play my toddler hit a child and the child parent came over and told me. I went to my toddler whilst the other child sat crying and I said it was not nice to hit and that the other child was upset. My toddler then approached the other child and said sorry then went over to the parent and apologised. This parent did not remove the other child, the other parent could see how exhausted I was and gave me a sympathetic gaze. The other parent allowed the child to continue playing with my toddler, they held hands and were skipping along with each other until another child approached and disrupted my toddler’s status quo. My toddler can play nicely it just takes a while.
That sympathetic glance from another parent meant a lot, I was not being judged this time.
I am actively seeking help for my toddler I have had all thoughts running through my head, could it be ADHD, SPD, attention seeking, jealousy etc we are being referred to an outreach worker and aim to go on the Webster Stratton course.
I have sat and cried numerous times and have wanted to run away, I have phoned Samaritans when there has been nobody around to talk to.
So to summarise
to the mum whose child my toddler hit, I am so so sorry but thank you for not giving me dirty looks.
To all the other mums out there please don’t judge the child that hits or the parent of the child that hits it may have taken a lot of courage to go to the play centre and constantly be on edge. Please don’t shout at the child but inform the parent so that the child’s parent can remove the child.
For those reading please do not judge myself as I sit here with a migraine wondering when I will be able to eat and if I will sleep tonight, I have to do it all again tomorrow and please please please do not think I am a bad mum sometimes I need reminding that yes I am a good mum I care about my toddler which is why I refuse to withdraw my toddler from playcentres etc it’s hard work but one day we will overcome it just don’t make out my toddler to be a monster
thank you for reading
fron a very tired,emotional mummy who is just spilling her thoughts and feelings out